My name is Sarah. I’m a 36 year old mom of 2. My son was born in 2018. His birth was horrible to say the least. I walked out of the hospital with a traumatic birth experience and PTSD. My daughter was born in 2022. She was part of the healing experience I needed to find a semblance of closure from my experience. More on this later, it's still a hard topic to discuss and I’m not in a place to put it all into words. Plus she is probably the cutest thing ever and definitely completed our family.

I opened my own craft business in 2018 as a way to process, or ignore if we want to be accurate, my trauma. It helped. Instead of sitting home and sulking I came home from work and had something else to focus on beyond the day to day taking care of my family. I make headbands, tumblers, key chains, cutting boards, signs, all kinds of fun things that help show my personality and that of my customers. I love it and never expected it to become what it has.

My son also had open heart surgery in 2020. He and I have Alagille Syndrome, which affects the production of elastin in the body, namely decreasing it. As a result my son had fairly severe pulmonary stenosis (narrowing of the arteries going into the lungs). I’ll provide a link at the bottom if you are curious about more information on Alagille Syndrome. 

Shortly after his surgery I stopped working my full time with benefits job. I was given the choice between coming back to the office or protecting my high risk, three month post op, child from COVID. I turned in my resignation two days after I was given the choice and never looked back. I won’t pretend this has been easy. 

2021 was amazing. I attended events with my business selling my products. 2022 was another story. I took the time and space I needed to get through a mentally trying pregnancy and had my daughter. Having an infant meant I couldn’t do as many events with my business. I couldn’t have her out in 100 degree Utah summer. I also couldn’t do overnight events and leave her with my husband because I was breastfeeding. I was very limited in what events I could do, meaning less money coming in, less money to invest and all around less money. It was a rough year. 

We also decided in 2022 that we would sell our house, buy an RV and move into it to wait out the house prices and interest rates. This is an experience I am excited to share with you while we go through it. 

I didn’t intend my children to be four years apart, but with heart surgery and life that is what happened. 

This leads me to why I am here.

I struggle as a mom some days. I’m a bad mom some days. I yell, I scream, I curse, I close him in his room so that I don’t slap him across the face. I get so mad I end up in tears because of my son. 

And I know I am not the only one. 

We place way too much pressure on ourselves to be the perfect parent. To raise the perfect kids, and have this picture perfect life. But perfect is what we see on social media. It isn’t real life. Real life is yelling, screaming, tears and frustration.

A four year difference in my kids may very well end up being a good thing as they get older, but right now it's a huge adjustment and it hasn’t gone as well as I would have hoped. I expected growing pains, but I did not expect what I have gotten. 

I have a five year old who pushes buttons. He says no, then gets mad because he really means yes. I have a four year old who talks back a lot. He says no when you discipline him. He pushes his sister, who can now grab his toys and follow him, because he wants to be left alone. He screams when he is put in time out. He throws things when you put him in his room. He has also started throwing fits in public, which he NEVER used to do. And I don’t know what to do about it. 

I try tough love. I refuse to take him places. I do time out. I put him in his room. I yell. I take toys away. I try bribes for good behavior, because this used to work. And none of it seems to make any impact. 

I make mistakes in motherhood. We all make mistakes in motherhood. There is no manual on how to parent your kids correctly. There really is no right or wrong as long as your kids are loved, clothed, fed and healthy, but why can’t we be honest about the mistakes we make? Why can’t we be real about not being perfect?

Join me in my mistakes in motherhood and let's create a community where we are just ourselves trying to navigate this crazy, amazing, gift we are entrusted with.,D%2C%20E%2C%20and%20K.

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